A Lenten Psalm

Hollow.

Broken inside and beginning to slide.

Emptiness.

That fluttering gut that won’t calm down.

Pain, angst, rage and despair.

Betrayal.

Knowing my foundation was sand – as the waves of panic rush in, my eyes desperately scan the horizon – devoid of hope.

You were my god, but you were no God.

Faith, hope and love?

A mere childish fantasy!

But yet…

Wrapping me tight is some mysterious great love

            I fight against it;

            Refusing to believe that anyone could love… me.

I hold on –

Trying to grasp the infinite fragments of my sanity.

Lost.

Staring blankly through time and space; unmoved by all of creation’s splendour.

“Hosanna!”

With a loud cry, I behold the Messiah

His beautiful eyes warm with love… and hurt?

I turn away, knowing that somehow, I am the cause of that pain.

“Crucify Him”

The words rip my throat raw as my screams blend with those of the throng.

I gloat with malice as those terrible, loving eyes close in agony.

“It is finished”

That foul lover; broken, his ruined eyes devoid at last of that suffocating love.

No sleep.

I go to the tomb,

Where is he?

Collapsing to my knees I am confronted with those piercing, loving eyes.

He picks me up –

            And for the first time, my fury and rage depart.

I gaze back into those wonderfully warm eyes as he softly whispers…

“I… Love… You…”

A Lenten Prayer

Have mercy on me, O God, in your great goodness;

according to the abundance of your compassion

blot out my offences

Wash me thoroughly from my wickedness

and cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my faults

and my sin is ever before me.

Against you only have I sinned 

and done what is evil in your sight,

So that you are justified in your sentence

and righteous in your judgement.

Cast me not away from your presence

and take not your holy spirit from me.

Give me again the joy of your salvation

and sustain me with your gracious spirit;

Then shall I teach your ways to the wicked

and sinners shall return to you.

Deliver me from my guilt, O God,

the God of my salvation,

and my tongue shall sing of your righteousness.

So Ashy

Today is Ash Wednesday; a day that signals the start of a period of fasting, mourning, and repentance for Christians, the season of Lent. This morning I attended an Ash Wednesday service and received upon my brow a cross of ash. In the Old Testament the prophets are always ripping their clothes and sitting around wearing ashes in mourning and repentance for the sins of Israel. I felt today a connection with those ancient prophets as I repented of my own sin and sat covered in ash in repentance for the sins of my country and my generation. Over the next forty days I will be participating in lent, an time of confession, reflection and repentance for the sins I have committed, and by extension, the sins my people have committed. This is a sad and dark time, but as the title of this blog reminds us, hope remains, and that hope is in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Now is a time for repentance for our sins, but repentance is not a mere cerebral activity, it is transformation and rebirth in Christ. Join with me this Lenten season in an act of repentance, and look forward to the joy of Christ risen.