The Who and the What

Is love the love of someone or the love of some thing? Do I love someone for the absolute singularity of who they are, I love you because you are you. Or do i love your qualities, your beauty, your intelligence? Does one love someone, or does one love something about someone? This is the question philosopher Jacques Derrida poses on the nature of love. These are some interesting thoughts and have really been on my mind this past while. Derrida says that love indeed begins and ends with a love of the what, which I think we can all agree to; it is the characteristics of the other that initially draw our affections. Our affections then end when we realize that the characteristic that drew our affections is not all that we thought it was. Love truly occurs when we love the absolute singularity of someone else. All of these things that Derrida notes are true. 

However, my question is, how do we define "the absolute singularity of someone"? It would seem that while a person is not defined by their characteristics, for example, somebody who is an alcoholic is not defined by alcoholism, rather we say that person is a person struggling with alcoholism. In the same way, a person is not "a schizophrenic" but rather, somebody who lives with schizophrenia. The individual characteristics of a person are not who the person is. I am a 19 year old, Caucasian, Christian, Canadian, male but not any single one of those characteristics define who I am. However, I think Derrida goes to far in his demarcation between the what and the who. It would seem that while we are not defined by any of our characteristics, and to simply make a list of all the different parts of another person is not the same as identifying the person, it is exactly those characteristics that define who we are. The singularity of the person that I am is the unique combination of every one of my characteristics bound together in my being.

Love should properly begin with the what, and as the what is explored, the who is uncovered and that should be the focal point of our love. The key is not to fixate on any one attribute or characteristic, or even a certain combination there-of. True love becomes a reality when one discovers, and embraces the characteristics of the other and realizes their limitations, yet still loves the other.