Crying

The tear, possibly the most perfect expression of emotion available to humanity. Tears are the natural overflow of an intense emotional experience, joy, relief, pain, sadness, humiliation, etc. Unfortunately crying has become a sign of weakness, especially for men. A man who cannot control his emotions and present a stoic exterior to the world is deemed a failure. Recent attempts have been made by the feminist movement to encourage men to express their emotional side, yet I have witnessed the natural recoil of those same advocates of emotional expressiveness when confronted by a weeping man.

As men we are presented with this conflicting dichotomy, freedom to express our emotions openly and let the tears flow, and an unspoken rule that says men can not cry. Everyone will give voice to the first and strongly support it, but almost without exception, those same people will, with their body language, condemn the man that dares to cry.

As a result, men in our culture struggle with giving the appropriate emotional response in a given situation. I often find myself half crying, filled to overflow with intense emotion, not necessarily sadness, often worship or joy, yet having no source of release. The result is a tearing up of the eyes and otherwise stoic features. The only clue to my true feelings lay in my eyes, a quick blink or two, a moistness around the lashes.

The suppression of strong emotion at times when it threatens to overwhelm me has led to the inability to experience proper emotions, for example, at a time where tears of sadness are the appropriate response, I feel nothing, I convince myself to feel sorrowful to the point where I can muster up a few sniffles to look like a caring human being.

There is a balance to be maintained however. Emotions should not have complete control over our actions, self-control is key in every aspect of our lives, it simply would not do to have people burst into sobbing fits on a whim, neither would hysterical laughter be an appropriate response.  I rather enjoy the awkward half crying that sometimes overtakes me, even though it is a symptom of the dysfunctional nature of our society, I embrace it and revel in the release of emotion that is so raw and powerful.

"Jesus wept," one of the shortest verses in the Bible, yet it speaks volumes. Jesus broke down, opened himself up for public humiliation and let go of his emotions when confronted by the death of his friend. There is no shame in crying, but remember, everything in moderation.

Doubting Thomas

Doubt, that insidiously gnawing tendril of fear and insecurity. It eats away at your conscience, tormenting your very soul, mind and being. Constantly I am beset with doubts; I have a hunger to learn more and more, and yet with every new thing I learn I am sent back to square one to try and systematically fit everything together into some sort of a coherent whole. This past year at college my little world was rocked almost daily as I learned new and wonderful things about God, the Bible and humanity, it was scary, amazing and beautiful all at once. Through it all doubt was my constant companion, a healthy counterpart for faith I think.

A couple weeks ago my pastor said something that blew my mind and sent me into a mini spiral of despair. He announced that he has never doubted his faith in Christ and in his salvation. Immediately I began to panic as he declared that we need not ever doubt all of our good Christian heritage, the Scriptures, or the assurance of our salvation. What kind of Christian am I, I thought, surely I must not truly be a believer if I am so constantly plagued with doubts, why am I not one hundred percent confident in my beliefs at all times?

I cast my mind back to the gospel accounts, if you read carefully, you'll notice that not only did the apostles not really understand what was going on, they were afflicted with some pretty severe doubts, and unlike us, they did not have millenia of tradition and writings to fall back on for reassurance.

I started thinking about what faith was, I think 1 Peter 1:8 sums it up very well, "You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy." Faith is a journey we embark on without knowing exactly where we are going, we don't know all the little details, nor do we always need to. Faith is realizing that you don't know where you are going, second guessing, doubting, fearing, but persevering. Faith is continuing to walk in the direction you were shown even when you can't see your feet to be certain that you are still on the path. God is faithful, he will guide you along, but doubting isn't a testament against your faith, listening to your doubts and acting upon them is. It is healthy to doubt, and I believe anyone who is absolutely honest with themselves, if they have faced any trials of any kind, would admit to experiencing doubt.

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world" 1 Peter 1:6-7 (NLT). A mark of true faith is the faith that experiences trials and yet stands strong, I think an extension of that would be experiencing the paralyzing touch of doubt and yet carrying on; that is genuine faith, it has been tested and refined in the fires of heaven.

God Bless

Think about it...

This evening as I cruised around on Facebook I noticed a friend's status that read, "someone complained to Voltaire that life was hard. He replied compared to what?" - War Games by Linda Poleman..... Think about it" (thanks Mike). I immediately replied that it was easier to live for a cause than to die for one, which got me thinking. The message that we often get from movies and music is that the true demonstration of love is to die for someone. There are countless songs in which the singer claims that he would die for his true love, countless movies in which couples sacrifice themselves for love of the other person. We often see such examples and say, "wow that person really loved", or, "how romantic!" Unfortunately, I think that what we are seeing in such examples is base cowardice, immaturity, and fatalistic idealism.


As mortals we put a lot of emphasis on our mortality. The thought of dying is terrifying to most, even those who have some belief in an afterlife are still periodically beset with fear or doubt, the reality is, we can have faith, but we don't have 100% guaranteed certainty of everything working out. Therefore, it would seem that overcoming that fear and uncertainty, willing to risk everything and possibly throw away the only shot at life we have for the sake of someone else is a huge sacrifice. I think this is quite probably one of the greatest lies our society has fallen for; the idea that it is harder to die than to live. 


We are all alive. We all know the cost of living, what it takes to have relationships with people, to maintain health, to struggle financially, spiritually, emotionally, etc. yet Christ calls us to pick up our cross daily and follow him. Wait a minute, what is our cross you may ask? I suggest that it is all of those above mentioned burdens, knowingly shouldering all of that potential pain and suffering, approaching it willingly and even cheerfully, daily. In the context of a romantic relationship this means living for the other person day by day, working to make the relationship stronger, accepting the struggles and hardships and sacrificing yourself every single day for the benefit of the other person. Personal rights get put aside in the interest of the best possible well-being of the other.


Some of you may be thinking, wait a minute, you mentioned picking up a cross, and that Christ guy, did he not sacrifice his very life for his bride, the Church? Yes, he surely did. So then what is so cowardly or lesser about being willing to give up your life in one great act that proves your love for the beloved? Simply this, Christ is Risen! Jesus lived from all eternity in communion with the Trinity. He forsook that to be incarnated as a man and he lived with us for years, daily laying aside his authority and rights as Creator of the universe, as is written in Philippians 2:6-8, "Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal's death on a cross." Jesus started his sacrifice long before the moment of the crucifixion. He put up with living in a lowly human body, associated with sinners and prostitutes and showed love every day to those who would later applaud his death. When he died it was not as a cheap alternative to living out a life of sacrificial love, it was the culmination of a life of sacrificial love. And Christ has risen, he is alive and continues to live, showering his bride with love, constantly forgiving the many transgressions of his bride the Church, in order that he may present us blameless to his Father in Heaven.


So yes, while throwing one's life away in an all out moment of passion, allegedly proving one's love for another may appear flashy and extravagant, it pales in comparison to a life lived in sacrificial love, devoted to one's partner. In Ephesians chapter 5 we are given guidelines as to how to live as husband and wife, I believe that what this text is saying is that we are called to live a life of sacrificial love. Women are called to submit, i.e., lay aside their own rights and desires, and men are called to sacrifice, just as Christ sacrificed, living a life of sacrificial love with the willingness to give it all, not as a first option, but as a culmination.


I hope that when looking for a way to express your love, you would realize that the most meaningful way in which you could do so, is to lay down your life, by living.